Be the change you want to see in this world

Everyday i do my best. Everyday i try to deal with realities.I may have lost the ability to dream and all, but i'm still able to do the simple stuff. I can still sit down and spend quality time with myself, and discover what is truly important to me.

If there is ever one realisation that i learnt, it's about beginning to accept and acknowledge my own inadequacy. You know at times when i'm walking on street, looking at people, pondering, and gaining that self-awareness, i just feel incompetent, and lost. I had goals that i wanted to achieve so desperately 2 months back, but they are now becoming less and less significant now. It's self-awareness. I know my boundaries. I know i could only go so far in certain aspects of life. That will do.

I may not know what i want in life, and may never find the answer. But i can still live. I will fall down, stumble, get hurt along the way; yet it is getting up that truly matters.I don't live a life to prove to others what i'm made up of. I know i can do something every single day that is going to build me up. I only have to make it through - one morning, one afternoon, and one evening at a time.

Sometimes i screw things up. I quarrelled with siblings, ran away from circumstances, ate laksa and KFC, was affected too much by my dad's words, etc, but i don't screw things up all the time. When i reflected, i told myself that if there were things that i could have done to stop all that, i just have to do better the next time. If i did try my best to deal with the situations,and there was nothing more i could do, i just have to let go and move on. And there are times when i try to build things up -- talking to people, reading, doing sports, washing toilet, sending my bro to piano lesson and all. At the very least, i have started living, breathing in fresh air, and carrying some responsibilities.

I'm not seeking pity here nor am i wallowing in self-pity. i'm just stating who i am. I've spent all these years studying and working hard because i had hopes. Hope about getting my mum out of the hell so that she could live like a human, have hobbies and friends, and be a mother and be proud of me. Hope to be successful in life and go on to help the less fortunate. Hope to build an orphanage, a school and a library to cater to those who are socially deprived. Hope to build a home together with someone i love. And i think i can do without all these hopes. Mb i won't fight so hard to excel in my careers like i used to do, but i can spend more time doing charity work. Mb i can't really be close to those i love, but i can make more effort to care about other people. Mb i won't have a Sports Car or a BMW in my life, but i could spend those money on humanitarian projects.

All in all, it's the realisation that it all starts out with me. And only me myself can be the initiative and the change i want to see in this world.

Okay that will do.