why

I didn't tell anyone. No i never did.


It's fall in Boston. I have been told that it's the most beautiful time of the year. I never got the chance to really look into the city until today. It was a sunny afternoon. I was there by myself, witnessing every single encounter, and shouldering every loss that came right after.


You've got to pin me down for me to tell the truth.


I wanted to sit you down and ask you why. Wanted to give you time to explain rather than quitting. I wanted to corner you and look into your eyes, use my harshest tone and ask you why. WHY.


Why. Why is it like that? Why did i try so hard, and yet fall so short? Why am i made like this? How long more do i need to go through Those sessions before i can be well, and feeling normal and adequate? How many times must i stumble before i can get fully recovered? Why do people don't understand? What must i do to make them understand? Why are they better, smarter, faster, richer? What about me? I tried so hard, what about me??